大冒险

昨天看到了智汶的MV，很有意思的一首歌，《大冒险》......



智汶，一个我几个月没联系了的朋友，一个我曾经珍重的朋友

今年年中的学校假期，我去了佛光山，我的家
我参与了志工团，护法中学营
一开始我真的很兴奋我又回来了

第一天，我便认识了我的组员，总务组
moumou,智文，kiattan,还有几个哈哈我忘了名字了
我和智文混得最熟了，我以为我们真的是朋友

可是第三天开始，总务人开始笑我hiao
我不懂他们是开玩笑还是什么
可是我受伤了
 当kiattan叫那个什么名我忘记了躺在我的脚然后问我爽不爽
我知道你们要说我gay
我心里很不爽
我没有表露出来
我只是摆出傻傻的样子，装不知道你们在讲什么
而这么多人里面我以为和我最熟的智文，也一起笑我



原来我也很脆弱，我是第一次这么被人排斥的
之前我一直提倡反bullism 现在我体验到了那伤害
我更加坚持我的立场了 =)


如果你们真的想知道我hiao不hiao,请跟我一起跑步，karate
又...或许我不应该这样关心你们


moumou 之前收错了零食，她叫我们别吃了
我开玩笑说偏要吃，可是她生气了
一个玩笑换来的是别人的冷漠

我知道我过火了，便在开会时写纸条跟她道歉
她说没事了
我以为真的没事了
可是继续的几天她继续忽视我
把我的情绪从天堂拉下了地狱

moumou和其他人在总务房里聊天，拿别人开玩笑
我不出声，因为我很讨厌讲是非
可是营后我又和syenhuey诉苦，讲了moumou的是非
我也讨厌自己了

做popcorn的那天，是我的心最痛的一天
原本我和另一个女生负责popcorn的
moumou抢着要做，之前是你吩咐我们做的，你记得吗
然后后来有人问我们有谁要去看电影，不要留这么多人做popcorn
可是总务组可以留下来继续做
但....moumou偏叫我走，我知道你不想我留下来，可是总务的人都在这边啊，我只有你们啊
你叫了很多次，我也心冷了，就走了
我很佩服从头到尾我还能嘻皮笑脸的，没摆臭脸给你
也讨厌自己这么假 

这下来几天我总觉得总务的人在排斥我，他们去哪里不跟我讲，剩我一个在总务房里

是我太敏感吗，还是你们太不敏感了


在佛光山的日子，我认识了很多人，有几个我想谢谢的
一个是在厨房帮忙的外籍男志工
我和他还蛮投机的，这几天我们都有简单的聊天，没有总务的人聊的多
可是我却聊得最轻松，因为我们都不会装
谢谢你让我在拿行李准备走时遇到你
原来还有人会给我送别

另外一个是也是在厨房帮忙的男志工
我连他的名字也好像没问过
只是在叫智文醒时遇到的
我们真真聊天是在我最后一天用着最后一餐时
那时我们一直在开玩笑
我真的很开心
因为这些玩笑，没有人会受到伤害
这一餐是我几天来吃的最开心的了


还有xiiaojie
人家讲他hiao我反而觉得他真的很nice
因为你一点都不假


最后一天智文问了我好几次几时要走，其实我很开心你还当我朋友
可是你和总务的人对我的，我也记得



回到家后，我不开心了很久
原来我的EQ蛮低的



我add了几个总务的，
可是moumou那张总务的家人里没有我，
我找moumou聊天，被ignore了
所以我知道不是我太敏感


反反复复几个月我问自己做错了什么
上个星期我还block掉全部总务的
过后，看了智文的MV(你唱得很好听，之前你给我听歌说你唱的我不相信，现在我相信了，可是我知道太迟了 )
我知道我太执着了




等着我的是未来的大冒险，
不是过去。


总务的人啊，以后我们再见面我真的不知道还能不能当你们朋友

可是谢谢你们，我又成长了。




祝福你们
福慧双修


我们一起各自为佛教努力吧！

UNBELIEVABLE

wow it's a long time since i post the last post

 things has changed, even the blog dashboard style also went through a thousand change

 i can't believe that i have been back from monk monastery for months...approximately three months...but it felt like it just happened yesterday

 i still struggling in many matters



 learning in form six is no joke at all. it's like having a war, a continuous war which last for a year and a half

  unfortunately i just lost the first battle and it didn't feel right at all...not even a bit




 however now it's not time to feel sorry war is still on and i got to go on ...I HAVE TO


 next round of battle is a week ahead so let's get prepared and well-armed

 i swear on behalf of BUDDHA... no more mercy ! 

GO...

i can't believe i just mentioned the word i scared the most...

but let it be

Thanks buddies =)

i went to Fo Guang San from 11 April to 15 April for

SHORT-TERM MONASTERY RETREAT



i met great friends there like wei zhong and tony and also khai loon, khai wei's brother


i learned a lot from them and i glad that i have them to accompany me throughout the five days... Thanks buddies you guys rock !

before this i was planning to the monastery retreat as i got spare time before tertiary education and i was kind of try to find out my own path and future

i was quite uncertain about myself, people around and everything

so there i went for an answer





frankly speaking, i get myself back , it was lost somewhere but yes i managed to get it back before too late...


i learned the power of silence and peace, i was talking to another me which is deep in the corner down the way of heart.., it was been a long time since i got pissed with myself as nothing seem ok

but yet i started to learn think in another way,perspectives

soon enough i got out from my own thinking trap, after years in it



thanks buddies !

lastly i wish WEI ZHONG and TONY all the best and GOOD LUCK

男 孩( 一)

男 孩 曾 经 是 个 天 真 烂 漫 的 作 家

他 酷 爱 写 作 因 为 他 喜 欢 用 文 字 表 达 情 感

也 想 用 文 字 来 分 享 他 对 世 界 的 憧 憬 和 美 好 的 向 往

他 相 信 每 一 颗 心 都 是 美 丽 的

所 以 他 努 力 写, 不 停 地 写...




可 是 外 头 的 世 界 实 在 太 不 堪 了

人 性 的 丑 恶 毫 无 保 留 地 摆 在 男 孩 眼 前

男 孩 一 开 始 是 忍 耐, 然 后 是 无 奈, 最 后 他 放 弃 了

男 孩 不 再 信 奉 真 善 美

他 选 择 了 虚 伪, 猜 度, 陷 害 来 保 护 自 己... 他 身 不 由 己

i will be ready

life is getting weird

there are so many question marks, everywhere

my little brain try to cope up and break the codes

maybe a little hard but it won't keep me away



the people is getting strange

it's like they never speak the truth

they speak truth that wanted to be heard and it's getting on my nerves

but...there's nothing i can do because

if i fight it, it is in vain

so better for me to get used to the game...

and Manipulate the rules



the weather is getting weird

it rains and shines in a hurry and random

like it is getting out of control

well i have to sort it out before it blows me up

perhaps take a deep breathe will do



things are getting harder and harder

but i will be ready when time comes...

so here i come don't be surprise when i take you down

as it won't take long from now on

外 头 的 人

有 时 启 开 了 部 落 格 网 页, 心 里 很 想 写 片 文 章

感 觉 有 了...... 可 是 那 是 一 种 迷 茫 的 感 觉

脑 里 浮 过 很 多 的 想 法, 也 想 回 了 很 多 的 故 事

心 里 酸 酸 的, 感 触 良 多 却 就 是 打 不 出 来

或 者 有 些 东 西 还 是 自 己 最 清 楚, 很 难 用 任 何 方 式 向 外 头 的 人 讲

即 使 跟 他 们 讲, 那 味 道 也 不 会 到 位




既 然 如 此 倒 不 如 把 机 关 掉, 把 那 感 觉 带 进 梦 里

说 不 定 里 头 等 着 我 的 不 是 一 个" 外 头 的 人"......

nothing STAYs the same

when we were child we made good friends in primary school

and a forever friendship swore

we learned new stuffs, we played games and joked a lot

sweats were flying high as our mood were

we never thought of stop,yea not even crossed our minds

it just like we never got tired






but nothing can beat the TIME

it just keeps pushing and pushing, till all the laugh and tears faded away

and no traces left

a friend used to be is now just another stranger

someone we wouldn't care even life or dead

as the law of nature applied :

nothing stays the same

Grown Up

I am now eighteen, yes eighteen, YES I AM

stepped out of school now i am on my own

no friends got my back, no teachers guide my direction

it's just gone, gone......all gone

it's only me now and will be just me facing all the fate




hey boy, strengthen your heart as there's no turning back

just move on and you will get used to it, soon, very soon


hey girl, no tears please, a weak one is meant to be vanised, GAME OVER

just move on and you will get used to it, soon, very soon




the childhood was beautiful yes i know but no point missing it

it makes you vulnerable...... exposed

out there people talking about money, money and money

dream means shit and no one gonna take it serious

so just let it buried deep down the earth, hopefully never found out again



it's the price for growing up

as we grown up we pay back little by little

till we end up with nothing

Memories

in the night, i just cant close my eye

dark sky always rewind the memories of us, sweet and bitter

we used to sing together

we used to dance together

we used to laugh together




but dont know since when only complaints and quarrels left

we criticized each other

we praised sarcastically

we made each other cry, just this time

it is not tears of happiness but tears that will lead to break up

soon or later



in the night, i just cant close my eye

dark sky always rewind the memories of us, sweet and bitter

i miss our love song

i miss the step we had on the floor

i miss your smile

i miss you, baby



memories, memories, memories

it hurts but i like it

i will miss the memories we had together

SPM is gone MORE to come

SPM is yesterday story today is another new chapter

yesterday when i walked out the exam hall i felt damn relieved and free-of-stress

it was like i got my freedom back,my mind was flying high in the sky with unstoppable crazy thinking of what to do after exam

i was shouting happily together with Mun Chun and it was the soar of MerdeKa !

frankly chinese esei probably the best paper i answered

i felt satisfied of what i wrote and it must be in the top 10 esei i ever wrote

the esei title is "吃苦" and i meant what i wrote:

no need to shame no need to shy and no need to hide the fact that you are from poor family

as you are working your ass hard to make it better from days to days

that's something to be proud of !





today i went for job interview and i made a mistake

the human resource manager ask me when can i start to work

and immediately "anxiety" attacked me for no reason......my mind went blank

to show my eagerness towards this job i said "tomorrow"

then here it goes, she asked if i got the white shirt, black pants, black shoes which are compulsory

oh yeah i don't have it ! now my mind bring me back to consciousness

so i said next Tuesday as i had to go to school on Monday

eventually the "deal" was done




BUT..........BUT

when i was in the bus i think and i think

i promised to Yong Sheng for outing on Friday and education fair on Thursday and Kelvin Sir for running event on Sunday

Oh my goodness !!!

"i am in trouble !" i shouted loud in heart





then back in home, it was time to solve the messes i created from my careless move

i called YONg SHeng and Kelvin to say sorry for not attending

and now i have to look for somebody to replace me to attend the education fair




wow today is a "WoW" day


i will work hard for my future gambeteh

good luck to all of you !

毕 业

时 间 过 得 真 快, 快 得 有 点 令 我 无 奈, 惆 怅......

刚 刚 看 了 荣 翔 的 文 章 就 想 写 篇 自 己 的 毕 业 感 言.

荣 翔, 你 在 ((在台下鼓掌)) 里 所 提 及 的, 我 都 感 同 身 受.

我 会 后 悔 自 己 没 努 力 付 出, 但 我 也 珍 惜 这 段 懒 散 的 时 期,

因 为 我 从 中 学 会 了, 学 懂 了, 学 精 了.

往 后 的 日 子, 大 家 一 起 努 力 吧!


这 里, 我 祝 所 有 朋 友 将 来 一 帆 风 顺, 生 活 愉 快.

我 一 定 会 想 你 们 的!

Logos Hope

Ok...ok...I know I said I won't have new post till the end of SPM, but...

I really have something to share with you.




Today I went to floating book fair at Swettenham Pier.

When I heard that a ship which will organize a book fair, I was interested !

It was because I had never been on board before, so I said 'Yes' to this trip.



Here is an outlook of it(the ship)

it's a photo taken by KwanHong, a friend of mine. Thanks KwanHong for letting me use this photo without asking for your permission xD



Wow, so many foreigner !

It was my first impression when on board. No wonder I was told that there is a total of 400, yes, it's 400 of volunteers up there!

And, the happiest thing was I got the chance to catch a glimpse on those 'white colour' people. It's not that i treat people according to their skin colours by just that the foreigners gave me a feel of modernness, dynamics and excitement.


But, but, but, because of my own foolery, shyness, I lost the chance to interact with them. So bad...

However I have to say that this was a good experience.

As you support this kind act(by donation or buying goods or volunteer your help), you feel that you done something great, something nice and get to learn from life.




On the ship, there will be a short brief on the cause their support and how the ship functions with volunteers' help at first.

Then you get to look into a wall of photos talking about the history of this great act. How a great idea born.

another photo from my friend, and the next photos I going to share are also from him(graphic supporter of this post, just kidding ) =)


Next, you will walk into a space of about two classrooms which filled by books and books. Oh yeah, about the purchase it is using Logos Hope unit, if i wasn't mistaken 500 Logos Hope unit is RM8.

So get use of yourself to mountains of book =) I sure you will like it as it's consist of books from every corner of world.

There are also caps, notebooks, key chains which got Logos Hope logos.

I was touched and willing to buy some of them but I don't have the changer needed to own those stuffs(money). But never mine, window shopping is a habit we should get on as economic is not encouraging now.

Soon you will get into a story of life. It's like walking in a tunnel with pictures which bring out a positive message(this is the best I could describe as my english is still under probation ).

you might also ask the crewmen to explain the story


Last, you will get into a cafe room which sells refreshments.

There will be some crewmen who pro in magic to entertain you guys.



Last but not least, I hope anyone who read this can go for a visit when the ship, Logos Hope is in your country or as well as the other partner ships, namely Doulos, Logos II, Logos.


For penangites, tomorrow is the last day before it departs for Klang so don't miss your chance !






website of Logos Hope : http://www.omships.org/index.php
thanks you for bring me back hope again

Make A Wish

Long time didn't air new post, now I am going to make this the last post before SPM.


I didn't really do my best for the past time, but it didn't matter now as the nobody can chase the past. Let the bygone be bygone

I will do my best from now on because it has to be like that, fighting for future.


To affirm my determination, I would like to make wishes, actually is a wish list that I has all the things i wish to come across after SPM. It will be some kind of alarm alerts me if I am getting lazy in the future or lose the will to go on.

So here goes the list:

1. Enroll in SWIMming course, if i wasn't mistaken, it will cost me a total of 150 ringgit from Permata Association(opps i guess i need to save up pocket money to get it----after all, a penny saved is a penny earned =) )

2. I want to go for running everyday. I WANT it !

3. Earned some money and working experience.

4. If environment permits, I would like to learn some new languages.

5. Last but no least, I want to prepare for SAT.



Now, let's start the game ^^


By the way, I wish student who is going to sit for SPM three months later
ALL THE BEST !







*before off, i would like to announce that i wasn't pick for the National Service,

too Bad and too GOOD XD

当头棒喝之，珍惜

电视银幕传来洪亮的声音：如果明天你就死了，你会去做吗？

一句如此精简的名句啊！

确实，我们做人的顾虑实在太多了。

怕会失败，怕失望，怕尴尬......

担心这，担心那，脆弱的心就是经不起高低起伏，随遇而安。



深思了半响，终于在内心高呼了一声，一声震撼心坛的心声。

我会，我会，我一定会！

毋庸置疑,我一定会把当下想做的事完成,向说的话讲清,给向见的人一个紧紧的拥抱. 轻语道: 我爱你们!

My fellow friends, don't keep on thinking but refuse to carry out any action.

Get off your ass now and do it or you will regret in the oncoming time !

An Angel healed me

清闲的休息节总是那么难消磨时间，所以唯有去回那不起眼的地方溜达。

走上那阶阶的梯级，一阵清香的书香味扑鼻而来......久违了。

--------------------------------------------------------------
推门而入，刚刚上完陌生的中国文学课的我不想再浪费时间，想尽快回家埋头苦读。

拿着一本 An Angel Healed Me 快步溜去列放群书的书架上，眼珠几回转，试图找回之间看上的一本书......

呵，看见你了！ 一行粉红标题映入眼窗， Slumdog Millionaire 。

它那满是活力的封面图案早已紧紧扣着我的心：两张灿烂的笑嘴，洋溢着我说不出的欢乐。

拿着这本 Slumdog Millionaire 走去办理借书手续。

定眼望去，今天还真多人叻！

两条长蛇扭动着，几位和我同龄的男孩正跑动着，冷冷的空气里飘着冷汗。

排在师弟们的前面后面，我耐心等待，知道那几个前头的男孩已经尽力了。

观察型的我又趁空闲时放眼眺望。

哦，那位足球队长还是不懈地翻阅博书，跟我刚踏进来时没两样。

加油，我们一起加油。我崇拜的对象，我不会放弃的，下次考试我们一起冲刺！

--------------------------------------------------------------------
拿起上星期借过的书， An Angel Healed Me, 心里很不是滋味。

我违背了自己的承诺，没把它读完，歉意骚动我不堪的心灵。终于......

我再借了这本书，养起我阅读英语书籍的习惯。

走出图书馆，走回班的当儿，心里很是滋味。

---------------------------------------------------------------------

懒散的手指儿在键盘上挥舞时，耳边传来哥哥用手提电脑播出的音乐声.

这时,三弟回来了,我有被迫让出电脑,看报去了.

曾几何时,阅报成了我每天不能缺少的养分.

突然,一个小小的标题吸引了我的注目.

一位中一生肛交六岁男童.

哦,世界真的变了,慢慢凹陷进无全的人性,开始自甘堕落.

幸亏我已渐渐走出那凹处,迎那璀璨阳光.

四弟也陆续回来了.

把弄这电视遥控机的我无暇理会,荧幕上跳跃的身影扣住心弦.

美国"那你认为你能跳吗"节目里的参赛者闪烁着生命的光芒,好令人羡慕的画面啊.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
今早上演校园小风波(其实谈不上是风波,只是一场误会).

我前阵子错误通知会员出席今天的国际营讨论,结果我无奈挨班去找他们誊清,赔罪.

折腾了一个亮丽的早晨.

一位学生一个运动一个赛跑时,我也初奇地情绪低落.

朋友还笑言我情绪化.

我没多辩驳,只是继续那沉重的路程.

----------------------------------------------------------------
哦,哥哥时间到了--不是要"上路",而是到时间让手提电脑给我了.

继续编写这篇不寻常的小说......嗯,这篇算是( 小说)吧,不如你们给些评价.

----------------------------------------------------------------
终于下定决心拼.是的,我要拼出十一 片蓝天!

该关起荧幕,埋头进书堆了.

一个天使给了我提示,该付诸努力了!

An angel healed me

NumBers

老 师 沧 桑 脸 孔 转 了 过 来, 数 字, 那 怪 异 的 舞 蹈 停 此 了.
我 的 心 霎 时 间 猛 跳.
身 子 都 卷 进 了 那 恐 惧 的 聚 拢 里,
惊 惊 克 克.
怕 事 的 脑 袋 儿 一 直 垂 低,
眼 睛 瞪 着 行 行 斜 字, 不 敢 闪 烁.

一 抹 哀 伤 擦 拭 眼 角,
试 图 抹 去 那 不 留 人 的 岁 月, 无 奈
数 字, 是 的, 是 那 数 字,
不 停 偷 走 单 纯 的 笑 容.

无 力 顽 强, 唯 有 俯 首 称 臣.

汹 汹 流 水 终 于 缺 堤,
万 丈 迸 冲.


啊, 数 字 淹 盖 了 心 跳!

英 年 早 逝

拿 起 圆 珠 笔, 心 跳 数 百 米

白 拘 飞 过 隙, 不 知 从 何 起

羞 得 把 头 低, 只 想 快 点 离

老 师 要 收 齐, 我 就 看 着 你

还 是 很 美 丽, 却 这 样 早 死



above is a poem i wrote during exam, any comment ? =)

Future

Yesterday i was involved in Chung Ling Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya Camp which themed 携手未来,灿烂明天

i was given the responsibility as one of the game exco

i learned to bear it up and served as well as possible to the people



in between, actually i was quite down when people commented negatively towards our camp organization but i came out conquered the negative thinking

which means, stop thinking that what i had done wrong but figure out what i can do to fix it

in the end i was feeling good for this camp and glad that i joined it


to Sky, you done everything you could, so stop blaming yourself for the pop out troubles during the camp GamBateh !

one of my favorite photo - all of us is Seni Club member and AJK of this camp





Why actually i named this blog post as 'Future' ? This is because i am giving a feedback about the camp yesterday where i learned something treasure and some kind of attitude and skill needed for future as a leader.

Indeed, I'm growing up ! Not just physically but mentally through this camp.


Next, one of my friend in Vietnam, Nhắng Hâm will go to USA to further his learning

i was noticed that his is going to study in Edmonds community college and then central washington university

WoW i was impressed !! i am always looking forward to USA life style

i wonder if i also got the chance to study over there

living oversea and talk with the 'Yang Lau' - foreigner





Nhắng Hâm, although we are not so close and knowing each other well but i sincerely hope that you enjoy yourself at USA at the incoming time,

All The Best ! my friend

a warm wish from Malaysia flying towards Vietnam and next going to USA





Now i have to study hard so that my dream will come true - i want go to USA !

I will set Nhắng Hâm as my role model and chasing my dream whenever it goes

let log this blogger out and log into BOOKS =)

Wind

it keeps blowing

blows my thinking away...

life is like a gust of wind

we don't know when it's going to be a strong tornado

we don't know when it's just a little touch of nature

however, we still love the wind =D

keep your spirit up and you will eventually OVERCOME the wind and be the MASTER of it

Struggling

i am trying hard but the door is closing